Samstag, 18. August 2012

EFT and feeling homeless

Izziyana Suhaimi found via

A short while ago, I was thinking about procrastination or semi-depression. I've made a Flower Essence mix, which made me really feel better, but after two weeks I stopped taking it. I had a very happy private life and was distracted from the hard part of life. My old friend came over and we had one week of fun and joy. I allowed this myself, although the countdown runs and runs, planning that I will work, when I'm alone again.

But something else happened. After some days of still doing not much, beside thinking sorrowful of my upcoming move and how to organize it, I finally managed to ask my little sister to come over and drive the transporter. I actually was counting on my dad, but it turns out my parents will have guests during the time I move.
Crazy, I didn't feel better after having cleared how to move and when. Instead I started to feel deep sadness and cried for almost a week. I know, EFT and Bachflower could help me, but no Rescue Flowers in the house, as I always give them away and no power for EFT. This is a depression. I couldn't go and buy some Rescue Flower Essence!  Instead I started to think on why I'm so depressed. My friend told me, it must have to do with my not yet finished project - the always procrastinated one. I feel it has to do with the strong feeling, that I don't want to move (back) where I will move to. And sure, the feeling of failure is strongly connected with this. I would feel much better moving with a finished project in my backpack.

Because somehow my feelings are so strongly connected with the place, I was thinking about this. (Having Bach Rescue Pastilles since yesterday!)
Todays morning was actually good, but then I start tapping and I tapped:
- Even though, I don't want to live in x, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Suddenly my sentence shifted to:
- Even though, I feel homeless and I didn't manage to build my home yet, and maybe I will never be capable of building my home, ...

So, is it possible, that I procrastinate my big project since years, because at least I have something which I can call home here? It's far from perfect, but at least it is my own chosen environment. I can't defend it now. There is no way. I need to build my own new home, a better one than now, one which I really can afford.

I just realized, I've lost home so many times in my life. In my last high school years, when I realized that I wasn't really part of the people around me, when I left my ex boyfriend I somehow lost the city where I really enjoy living, when my best friend for a while decided to break with me, because his new girlfriend was jealous.

I might be over sensitive. I know. But maybe this is the real trigger of my procrastination? At least this point is strongly connected to my newly upcoming depression - and I never went deep into it in my some years ago psycho therapy.

Mittwoch, 8. August 2012

Rainbow flourite has done it again!

I have spent my first night since ages sleeping on a carpet. It is reminding me on my promise that I want to remain flexible in life and independend... Well, wether my bones just don't know about my promise from 20 years ago or I'm just becoming old, I slept deep, but I was suffering my worst back pain ever the next morning. Don't get me wrong, it was totally worth the revival of highschool times!
When I came home the next evening, I took my rainbow fluorite and also slept on it. I slept so deep... and the next morning I was just so fine! All back pain was gone. No sports and no massage. Even not a hot shower. The stone has fixed it! Other experiences with the amazing fluorite are here.