Procrastination or semi- depression II - so which flower essences, which healing crystals?

After my last text about my current status of semi-depression or procrastination,  I really looked up my collection of healing crystals. As I take them without reading before now, and my  body tells me to take quite a lot, I now have a lot of stones in my bra ;). I'm pretty sure, most of them are indicated because of my unhealthy diet over the last 10 days...
But let's see:

• Aquamarine (my allergy crystal, as I just successfully tapped against my peach allergy, this could 
• Rubin Fuchsit Disthen
• Chalcedony (not a surprise... this stone is always indicated if my body has to deal with too much sugar)
• Magnesite 
• Sardonyx

I have searched the internet and read about the healing crystals at ruebe-zahl.de/. Magnesite is my stone if I eat too fat, but as I just found out it should help to relax at the emotional side. Aquamarin, Rubin Fuchsit Disthen and Sardonyxs should all help with depression and Sardonyx helps with fear of the unknown and to grieve. 

As I always believe that my more-than-procrastination-problem has to do with what has happened in the past, I gonna try to grieve with EFT again. Won't be that easy, as I have worked on this in a three year psychotherapy...

Then I checked my flower essences. My body indicated the following flower essences of FES Californian Flower Essence:

Pink Yarrow was "my" flower essence some time ago. It is for people who tend to help others more than themselves and feel others pain too deep. It's interesting, that now, in my state of (semi-) depression, where I actually don't deal with this actually very deeply rooted problem as I don't care of anyone, but also don't care of myself it comes up again. I had gotten my former depression because of a burn out in being for someone else. Forgetting myself and just living for others is definitely one maybe the most unhealthy tendency of mine. Although I have learned to deal with it and (mostly) withdraw myself from friendships and all relationships I consider as "dangerous" in this case, I still feel, that I'm not strong enough to go a middle way. I mostly withdraw myself completely or give completely. This dilemma makes me very unhappy from time to time. And I just remember, that it brought me into a similar status like I have know very often. Well, this time, the trigger was something else.
Yarrow is also for the one with a deep bleeding wound. Something I experienced when I got depressive years ago.


Sealf Heal is a flower essence if someone lost the belief in himself. I would say, that's what happened to me. I gave up and didn't do something to make me feel better for almost two weeks!


Tansy had once catched my eye because of this text. The woman who tells her story said about this flower essence "Emotional overwhelm is a real issue for me. And this phrase has really stuck in my head — "they energetically downshift as an avoidance mechanism for emotional coping and distancing." I often feel that depression IS an energetic downshift. You do it because you can't handle the feeling. So I have found Tansy is remarkable". That's exactly what I think. 


Then from the classic Bach Flower Essences (I use Healing Herbs)

• Sweet Chestnut (Depression, Feeling that there is no way out, fear of new beginning)
• Holly (Frustration, Fear of getting cheated)
• Agrimony (don't show what's inside of me - well, I think if I would, I would know what's my problem now)
• Centaury (always want to help others, the wish of others is stronger than my own)
• Wild Oat (Crisis, lost of orientation, don't know how to change)

And Apple of Findhorn Essences (should help to set goals and reach them)

and Date of Spirit in Nature Essences (easily irritated, unpleasant to be around; inhospitality) 

So, as Centaury and Pink Yarrow are both for people who take others as more important as themselves, I decide to take only Pink Yarrow. The additional aspect of being wounded seems to be interesting here.


----


When I wanted to take it, I realized, that it was my first time I wanted to take Date. Although the bottle had shown me, that I need it, it was empty! It wasn't sealed properly. Quite disappointing as I've ordered this one directly from the US. 

Stones ... Carnelian and Chalcedony

Icy hot necklace by AleahRaeJewelry on Etsy

I'm still not sure, what the chalcedony does with me. But I think the name for this necklace is just right.

I really didn't expect anything when I bought the so called healing chrystals. I even laughed about myself. I just thought, I've never seen this shop before, I should give the hint of my forum-friend a try.

Wanna know my experience? Some minutes after I had this stones in my pocket I felt like someone is touching me strongly on my neck. Not a really good feeling, but it gave me strength that there was obviously something happen.

After some hours I made a test: Carnelian outside of the pocket, this feeling was gone, Carnelian inside of the pocket it's coming again.... I also could feel like a shiver on my scalp. The next day I was feeling dizzy, when I touch the stones. My feeling was that the carnelian was causing this dizziness. I couldn't stand the stone in my pockets and put it out. I just tested it several times a day. It was really causing me dizziness if I touch the stone! I went back to the shop and asked if a reaction like mine could be normal. The sales woman was obviously happy and told me, that if I feel a strong reaction like this, it also means, that this crystal is right for me. She suggested me to wear the stone only for short terms. Day 2 I've started to work on my project, day 3 I only felt like at first day again and was still busy, I really felt, that the carnelian is giving me energy. My always cold hands, feet and nose have been warm - I even sweat and was not sure if this means I just get a cold! But I didn't feel tired at all, I only got distracted by reading about healing crystals. I was fascinated by this unknown world and I wanted more. Well, I would say, I'm still distracted... It's just too crazy to experience the power of this stones!

Ich habe wirklich nichts erwartet als ich die sogenannten Heilsteine kaufte. Ich lachte sogar über mich selbst. Eigentlich hatte ich nur gedacht, wenn ich schon an diesem Laden vorbei komme, der mir vorher nie aufgefallen war, sollte ich dem Tipp meiner Forums-Freundin doch einen Versuch geben.

Möchtest Du meine Erfahrungen wissen? Einige Minuten nachdem ich die beiden Steine in der Hosentasche hatte, hatte ich das Gefühl, dass mich etwas unsanft am Nacken packt. Nicht wirklich ein gutes Gefühl, aber die Tatsache, das offenbar etwas passierte gab mir das Gefühl von Stärke.

Nach einigen Stunden testete ich: Carneol aus meiner Hosentasche raus und das Gefühl ließ nach. Carneol in meine Hosentasche rein und es kam wieder. Ich fühlte auch als hätte ich Gänsehaut auf dem Kopf. Am nächsten Tag war mir schwindlig sobald ich den Carneol anfasste. Nach mehreren Testversuchen ging zurück in den Laden und fragte ob das sein könne, die Verkäuferin war sichtlich erstaunt und irgendwie erfreut. Sie meinte, wenn ich so stark auf den Stein reagiere, so hieße das auf jeden Fall, dass es der richtige Stein sei. Ich solle ihn dann eben nur in kurzen Etappen tragen. Tag 2 begann ich mit meinem Projekt, an Tag 3 wirkt der Stein dann wieder wie am ersten Tag. Ich konnte wirklich fühlen, wie er mir Energie gab. Meine immer kalten Hände, Füße und Nase waren warm. Ich wurde sogar unsicher ob ich nicht gerade eine Erkältung bekam! Aber ich war nicht müde, von meiner Arbeit lenkte mich nur diese neue Erfahrung ab. Ich war fasziniert von dem was die Steine vermochten und wollte mehr.... Nun ja, ich würde sagen, ich bin immer noch abgelenkt davon.... Diese Erfahrung ist einfach zu verrückt!

Steine...

hand-painted beach pebbles by Natasha Newton

Wenn mir vor 6 Wochen jemand erzählt hätte, dass Steine heilende Schwingungen haben, hätte ich geantwortet ein Stein ist ein Stein ist ein Stein.
Ich bin kritisch und gehe an alles mit Logik heran, obwohl ich eine sensible Seele bin.
Vor ein paar Jahren hat mich das Leben gelehrt mich ein bisschen zu öffnen für Dinge, die Wissenschaftler derzeit nicht erklären kann. In meiner größten Lebenskrise ... fand ich die Bachblüten. Sie haben mir geholfen mich während einer Psychotherapie in kurzer Zeit aus der tiefsten Depression zu befreien und an dem zu arbeiten, was mich wieder erstarken ließ.

Aber jetzt also Steine? Vor vier Wochen hatte ich Rückblenden. Fürchterlich. Ich fühlte mich als sei ich mitten drin im Burnout und war wie gelähmt. Wie ich dieses Gefühl hasse! Es machte mich so traurig und macht mir auch Angst, dass es doch Rückfälle geben könnte aus heiterem Himmel.
Diese Backflashs ließen mich über Dinge nachdenken, die mich immer noch beschäftigen. Und raus kam dabei: Ich will die alte Hanna! Die, die dem Sturm trotzt und dabei noch alle um sich herum umarmt um ihnen Gefühl der Sicherheit zu geben.

Und dann viel mir ein, dass ich zwar inzwischen sehr wohl mit großen und kleinen Krisen umgehen kann und jetzt meine Grenzen einhalte und immer noch oft stärker bin als andere, aber dass mir etwas fehlt, was mein Leben nicht vollkommen werden lässt, nämlich Disziplin. Mein Fortschritt war es es das Leben zu genießen, egal was kommt... Aber die Disziplin das nötige zu tun um erfolgreich so manches abzuschließen fehlt mir oft.
Ich suchte die richtigen Blütenessenzen und diskutiert sie in einem Forum. Mangel an Disziplin war seit dem ich gesund bin immer wieder mein Thema. Vor der Burnout war das nie ein Problem. Jetzt hatte ich schon Jahre immer wieder die verschiedensten Bachblüten-Mischungen ausprobiert und trotzdem hier keine Veränderung bemerkt. (Achso ja, und das ich es wirklich will und mich bemühe, ist ohnehin vorausgesetzt!) Bachblüten helfen beim entspannen, gegen die Müdigkeit am morgen, bei Eifersucht und Traurigkeit, bei Ärger und Groll, auch gegen Ängste, und um Traumata zu verarbeiten. Als Creme verhindern sie Brandblasen und heilen so manches schneller als der Wind, aber offenbar ist es keiner dieser Seelenzustände, der für meine mangelnde Disziplin zuständig ist.

Ich besprach also mein Problem im Forum und jemand empfahl mir, einen Karneol zu kaufen. Und als ich meine kleine Krise schon wieder überwunden hatte, und nur noch der Disziplinmangel fehlte, kam ich zufällig an einem Laden vorbei der Steine verkaufte. Es stellte sich heraus, dass der Carneol ein günstiger Stein ist. Nur 0,80 Euro auszugeben war mir fast peinlich und ich kaufte noch einen blauen Chalcedon für 1,10 Euro dazu, einfach weil mir Farbe und Form gefiel. So ging ich also weiter meine Besorgungen machen und steckte die beiden Steine in meine Hosentasche, wie empfohlen ...

Stones...

crocheted stones by craftymissusD

If you would have told me 6 weeks ago, that stones have healing vibes someone, I would have answered you a stone is a stone is a stone.

I'm that kind of critical person... not an easy believer having a logical approach to anything, although I'm a sensitive soul. - I guess, that's what makes me being a good friend.

Life has teach me to be a bit more open for what somethings scientists currently can't explain. Namely I'm taking Bach Flowers since some years again and again. I started in my biggest life crisis... in which I think I didn't get because I'm a weak soul or so... I stuck, because what happened was more than worst case. Something without explanation, something which needs all my power for almost two years. Yes, all my power. I'm a loving soul. That's why I gave all my power and even didn't realize that's too much.

I'm strong again, and I could feel how the Bach Flowers helped me going through a psychological therapy fast. They let me go out of the deepest burnout depression in short time, and I could start working on what I have to do to gain my strength again.

But now stones? Well, you know I had this backflashs four weeks ago. Very bad ones. I felt like my burnout is suddenly not over, like paralyzed. And I can tell you, I hate this feeling! And it's making me so sad! I really don't wanna experience it again!

This backflashs feelings let me feel, that I lie to myself, that I'm currently not over anything! And I was thinking about everything I still don't do or can't do, even if I should.

I wanna be the old Hanna, men! I used to be able to stand a storm hugging all around me to make the feel safe. And now? Still not back to normal? Yes, I do my job, yes I can overcome with all those little and bigger crisis in life. But still, I didn't get my discipline back. I don't feel, I do everything necessary. Somehow all my progress in the last years, made me enjoy life whatever comes by... I just take some things not so serious, actually they are!

I was looking for the right flower essences and discussed them in a German forum. Once again, I talk about my lack of discipline. I didn't have this before my huge burnout... I made such a good progress through the psychological therapy, I would even say, I've never enjoyed life like I do now... But, this life needs some discipline to be successful! I wanna be able to look after myself! Okay, so I was talking about this topic in the forum and one of the nice members there told me, if you feel you have a lack of energy try to use a Carnelian. Some days, I was already a bit into action, I think with the help of the flower essences and also my logical brain, but still felt a lot of tiredness even on daytime. Coffee didn't work well to wake me up, I was coming along a shop selling minerals. You would have never ever seen me having a look at those minerals before. I just don't really think they look good unless they are made into nice jewelry... So, I went in and asked for the Cornelian. It turns out it's a cheap stone and I just bought it. I felt a bit ashamed to buy a stone for 80 Cents only, so I just took blue Chalcedony for 1.10, too, just because I liked the color and the shape. And I put them into my jeans pockets as told by my friend in the forum...